10 July 2006

Try to act as if you aren't scary and damaged.

The blog title is shamelessly stolen from Grey's Anatomy

I imagine blogging can be good therapy. You write up whatever is bothering you, and send it off into nowhere, imagining that few people will read what you have written, if any do, and that your need to express yourself in however ridiculous a fashion has been successful without fear of embarassment, or overwrought emotion, or worry about how the recipient of such largesse might react to your personal damage.

My mother told me last Thursday that she thought I ought to see someone for therapy, at least to discuss my impending divorce. I told her I had been thinking about it, but hadn't decided one way or the other yet. I have been thinking about it, but I really only see it going that far. Thinking. I hate talking about emotional or personal issues with a stranger. I don't even like to do it with people I care about. It sort of dribbles out like the last bits of water from a hose. Almost in spite of myself at times. Unhealthy, I expect, but I much prefer to internalize things.

So back to the blog- here's to hoping that among the ridiculous news items and the snarkiness, I can let some of that inner fog out sometimes. A friend recently encouraged me to not be quite so vague. All I can say is, I will try.


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